Blue sky sadness

Posted by on Friday, September 14th, 2012

I attended the funeral of an 18 year old this week. He was a local boy – a phenomenal baseball player who had just started college a few weeks ago on a baseball scholarship. He died in an automobile accident, on the way to a party with friends.

As I stood outside the funeral home, under brilliant blue skies with white fluffy clouds, I looked into the grieving faces of all the teens and twenty-somethings in attendance. I could only wonder how they will handle the grief at their tender age? I am wayyy older and I can’t hardly do it. It never makes sense to me when someone so young dies – I know God has a plan for everything and for whatever reason, it was this boys’ time. My head knows that but my heart…. that’s another story.  As I heard his mom sobbing, as she was being led to the car for the trip to the graveside service, I found myself feeling as if I was underwater – totally immersed in a wave of her anguish as she passed in front of where we were standing.

I haven’t been able to shake the feeling ever since that day. From somewhere deep within me, a truth has surfaced. I realize I have been …. not ungrateful…. but maybe…… less grateful than I should be.

Lately, every direction I turn, I find a friend going through something painful and difficult – a failing marriage, a life-threatening illness, financial struggles, death of a loved one…. the list is endless. My heart just hurts for them. All I can do to help is to pray, pray, pray for them.

But on the other hand, I HAVE to remember to be present in the moment – this moment – and be grateful for all that I’m blessed with. I’ve been so bogged down with this feeling of helplessness since my wrist surgery – everything is off-kilter since I am not working, not doing things as I normally would. My natural reaction when things feel out of my control is to turn inward, feeling very “woe is me” and sorry for myself. It’s such a selfish reaction – I know this. And yet, it happens. It’s an ugly thing to admit. But there it is.

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Filed in Life,Me,Randomness | 2 dorito bits so far

2 Dorito Bits to “Blue sky sadness”

  1. Shannonon 17 Sep 2012 at 7:09 pm 1

    i love you sweet friend!

  2. Beccaon 17 Oct 2012 at 1:03 pm 2

    Hi,

    I just read this and wanted to let you know that I am thinking about you. You are not selfish, or ungrateful. You are human. Very human, and very caring. Life is very hard sometimes, but you pray and you know that these feelings, too, will pass.

    Many hugs,
    Becca

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