Posted by Dory @ Lucky Dorito on Friday, September 14th, 2012
I attended the funeral of an 18 year old this week. He was a local boy – a phenomenal baseball player who had just started college a few weeks ago on a baseball scholarship. He died in an automobile accident, on the way to a party with friends.
As I stood outside the funeral home, under brilliant blue skies with white fluffy clouds, I looked into the grieving faces of all the teens and twenty-somethings in attendance. I could only wonder how they will handle the grief at their tender age? I am wayyy older and I can’t hardly do it. It never makes sense to me when someone so young dies – I know God has a plan for everything and for whatever reason, it was this boys’ time. My head knows that but my heart…. that’s another story. As I heard his mom sobbing, as she was being led to the car for the trip to the graveside service, I found myself feeling as if I was underwater – totally immersed in a wave of her anguish as she passed in front of where we were standing.
I haven’t been able to shake the feeling ever since that day. From somewhere deep within me, a truth has surfaced. I realize I have been …. not ungrateful…. but maybe…… less grateful than I should be.
Lately, every direction I turn, I find a friend going through something painful and difficult – a failing marriage, a life-threatening illness, financial struggles, death of a loved one…. the list is endless. My heart just hurts for them. All I can do to help is to pray, pray, pray for them.
But on the other hand, I HAVE to remember to be present in the moment – this moment – and be grateful for all that I’m blessed with. I’ve been so bogged down with this feeling of helplessness since my wrist surgery – everything is off-kilter since I am not working, not doing things as I normally would. My natural reaction when things feel out of my control is to turn inward, feeling very “woe is me” and sorry for myself. It’s such a selfish reaction – I know this. And yet, it happens. It’s an ugly thing to admit. But there it is.