Lucky Dorito

The following *Mom-story* is written by my sweet friend Becca, of Becca’s Blog from the Left Coast, is a precious and darling woman, wife and mother. She is one of my online Scrabble partners - so we send messages back and forth by the dozens nearly EVERY day as we make our plays on the Scrabble board… so, needless to say - we’ve gotten to know each other very well.

Becca is the mother of an 18 year old handicapped child - whom she had to place in a full-time care setting when he got big enough that she was in danger of hurting herself to try to lift and care for him. I can only imagine how hard that decision was for her - and how hard it continues to be all the time! She made the ultimate sacrifice for her son, A, in my opinion. I am always in awe of her generous spirit and unwavering kindness. I am honored to call her my friend! I invite you to go visit her blog when you can - but first, hear her *voice* as she shares her thoughts…..

….….. On Being A Long Distance Mom

This is the hardest part of my life.

The guilt.

The regret.

The late night phone calls.

The scattered pictures over time.

I am a mom. Yes.

But A is not here.

Not physically. Or emotionally.

I have never had the mother/child relationship.

I grieve it.

I think I always will.

I watch other parents.

And my heart contracts.

Things I will never enjoy.

So I learn to look away.

Because it hurts.

I cry too easy.

No one needs to see.

Some say time heals all things.

They lie.

Or they have never had to go through it.

I hope they never do.

Never feel the guilt.

Of living life.

Of going on.

Doing the things that have to be done.

Making memories your child will never see.

Except in pictures.

Of visiting when needed.

Of being needed when issues arise.

But feeling outside the circle.

Which is normal they say.

Makes you question.

What is a mother?

The one that is there 24/7?

Or the one who’s heart silently breaks.

But does the right thing anyway.

So I say my silent prayer, start my day.

Grateful for all things.

The quiet moments, the hectic day.

The husband who loves me.

The life I have.

I have to keep moving forward.

This is not in my time to know why.

I just do.

One foot in front of the other.

Sometimes I stumble, sometimes I fall.

But I wake up tomorrow, and do it all over again.

Because it is what my role

As a mom is.

*****

Trackback URI | Comments RSS