Lucky Dorito

I love the following *Mom-story* from Kansas Jen (as Shannon and I affectionately call her so as not to confuse her with Two-N Jenn from somewhere else… lol.) It so gives me an idea of what I need to do next time Beebo and Luby are at each others throats! Shhhh, don’t tell them!

*******

My mother, Judy, is a great mom. There are many examples I could give you of her greatness - like how she never missed out on my school functions when I was young, or how she handled the news that I was pregnant and unmarried at 18 years old, (with incredible grace and understanding,) or how she gladly babysat my young son so I could go to nursing school and get my future on track, or how she has given me good, sound advice only when asked to do so, (my mama isn’t one to hand out unsolicited advice much,) the list could go on and on.

But this story isn’t sweet or sappy. It is delightfully dysfunctional instead.

The funniest memories I have of my mother are of her “fainting spells.” My dad is a retired firefighter and he worked 24 on/24 off schedules when he was still in the job force. So, every other day, we were dad-less. Dad had a booming voice that could grab your attention faster than you could believe. When Dad was home, we were well behaved. When it was just Mama at home with us, we did what we darned well pleased. Mom, the over-indulgent parent, was soft spoken and never yelled.

We were a very rowdy bunch of kids. My brothers and I were always into mischief. We also fought a lot. Hollering, hitting, kicking, biting - you name it. Mom, in her quiet way, would tell us to stop. She ground us to our rooms. She’d threaten to tell Dad when he got home. She would tell us that we would get no dinner. She’d threaten to throw all of our toys in the trash. Nothing ever worked because we knew she would never make good on her threats. We’d just keep tearing into each other without a second thought to what she was saying.

Then one day, she fainted during one of our scuffles. Fell down, right there. Wouldn’t open her eyes. Wouldn’t wake up.

We shook her and called out “Mama! Mama! Wake up!” She didn’t move a muscle. We tried and tried to wake her. Finally when we began to beg and cry for her to get up and be okay did she “awaken.”

She told us that our fighting upset her so much that she must have fainted.

This tactic of hers worked for YEARS. We still fought and hollered and acted like wild animals but everytime Mama would “faint,” we would straighten right up. It scared us. We loved our mama.

Years later, we figured out that she was manipulating us and did not have some strange ailment caused by our altercations. During one of her “faints,” I opened her eyes and held them open. Her eye balls must have dried out and she sat up before the promises to behave commenced.

********

Trackback URI | Comments RSS