Lucky Dorito

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Text reads as follows:

The Third Sunday in June shall henceforth be known as Father’s Day and accordingly, all dads are hereby endowed with certain rights and privileges for a period not exceeding 24 hours on said date, as noted below:

The right of utter and complete domination of the remote control, including the setting of volume levels. The right to various gaseous outbursts including the occasional if not accidental, breaking of wind accompanied by light belching. The right to deny that the aforementioned activity occurred in the first place, and to place blame on one’s canine companion. The right to wear mismatched socks. The right to re-tell one’s favorite anecdote from college and/or high school to one’s adoring children. The right to tune all television sets in the house to ESPN. The right to leave the toilet seat up. The right to get one’s fried foods on. The right to double dip using a chip, carrot, breadstick or any nacho-flavored apparatus. The right to ask one’s domestic partner for a “refill since you are up” without consequence. The right to scratch one’s lower extremities, if discretion is applied. The right to imbibe milk straight from the carton, whilst standing in front of the refrigerator. The right to remain silent. The right to return a tie given as a gift for a Kung Fu movie of one’s choosing. The right to yell at one’s television. The right to rub one’s belly, and refer to said appendage as “table muscle”. The right to avoid unreasonable requests, such as giving one’s offspring money for the mall, or keys to one’s noble chariot for the night. The right to apply barbecue sauce to any meal offered throughout the day.

These rights shall be observed in good faith and good character.

Witnessed this day and given by our hand, in the old tavern between the airport and the freeway.

Know that before the world, these rights and liberties have been granted and shall be applied on all continents, in all time zones, and in every place that Father’s labor honorably; and that the holiday known as Father’s Day shall be observed in good faith and without deceit.

Happy Father’s Day from the Old Guys Rule.

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