I remember when she was just a mere babe….
Posted by Dory @ Lucky Dorito on Monday, August 11th, 2008
attached to my hip and now - my firstborn daughter is nearly 23 years old. Suki’s birthday is just around the corner, August 21st. I don’t know where all those years went… they flew by in a blink of an eye. I remember when she was a newborn, people would look at her and comment, “My, how small! I can hardly remember when mine was that little!” I’d think to myself, “can’t remember? how could you forget? It’s such a special time…. how could you FORGET?” But, I see now how that happens.
She was born in Italy, where her dad was stationed as an active duty Navy man. We’d been to the theater to see “Fletch” the night I went into labor… I can never see that movie replaying on tv without thinking of counting minutes between contractions that night. When she was a teeny little thing, she was so sure of herself. She’d never hesitate to speak up when she wanted something or wanted to do something. She was early to talk and early to walk…. eager to get her life going, I suppose. She was all smiles and sweetness as a young girl, melting my heart in a jiffy.
Her dad and I were young and clueless. Raising a child was hard work, when we were mere children ourselves. Of course, it’s the beauty of hindsight that I can say that now… at the time, I thought I had a pretty good handle on life. Ha! What did I know?
We lived in Naples, Italy until Suki was a little over 2 years old. Far too young for her to remember any of it, unfortunately. I’ve always wanted to take her back someday to see where she began her life… maybe some day that can still happen. After Italy, we lived in Panama for a few years before returning to the US in 1989. Since then, we’ve lived in several different towns, but all within the state that we are in now. After her dad and I split up and much later I remarried my darling hubby - Suki lost a little of that confidence she had in herself as a youngster. She became a reader and a dreamer, with her head often in the clouds, lost in thought. She was quiet and reserved during her high school years. I’ll never know how much our divorce affected her and how much of that would have happened as she entered her teen years - but I would like to think that someday she can understand the whole divorce situation. I wonder how badly she feels I failed her. Someday I may be brave enough to ask. But…. I digress. That is not the story I want to visit today.
This week will mark a HUGE change in our lives. Even during the past few years when conflict has kept us at a distance from each other - we’ve always been close in proximity. She’s been in college in a nearby town since she graduated high school in 2004. Those days that passed without us talking were tough for me (and for her, I would hope) but it was reassuring to know that she wasn’t that far away, only about 35 miles. I could still drop in to see her or meet her for lunch sometimes.
On Thursday, all that changes.
Suki joined AmeriCorps and will be leaving our fair state for the next year. She will be headed to southern Florida, with plans to work with Habitat for Humanity, as her assignment with AmeriCorps. It is a wonderful opportunity for her and I am so very proud of her… but the Mom in me knows this is going to be a tough year. Probably much harder for ME than for her! Every time I think about it - I waver between being overjoyed for her and being so incredibly sad to see her go. That is nothing but sheer Mom-selfishness on my part… so I am trying hard to focus on the joy of the occasion. (as I sit here with a giant lump in my throat thinking of her being gone for a YEAR.) It IS indeed a great opportunity and experience for her… and one that she can learn and grow from, while allowing her to work in an arena that is geared for serving others. I know she will be fine, the Lord will watch over her. She is once again full of confidence in herself … I’d say that is definitely a step in the right direction. She CAN do this.
Jenon 11 Aug 2008 at 6:22 am 1Wow! I am proud of her too! What a great experience!
The year will FLY by for her and probably drag on and on for you though.
LOL… all my years seem to be zipping by pretty darn fast… that’s how I got to be THIS age but sure don’t feel it!
Shannonon 11 Aug 2008 at 6:24 am 2I know you are so proud of Suki and her decision to spend a year doing something so selfless and wonderful ,but at the same time so sad to think of her moving so very far away. Although I have never had the joy of meeting her, this I know without a shadow of a doubt: You have been a wonderful mother to her and it is definitely due in part to the parenting by you and by your sweet hubby that she has the confidence to go to Florida to spend the year serving others. I have no doubt that God will use this year of service to not only help others but to help her to grow as well. I am praying for her and for especially you my sweet friend.
I love you,
Shannon
Thanks SweetPea. You know how much I treasure your opinions. Thank you.
Stacyon 11 Aug 2008 at 9:39 am 3First of all you are a wonderful mother. If Suki does not understand everything now, she will. I promise, one day she will learn the whole story and understand.
She will be fabulous while she is in Florida. What a wonderful opportunity she has to share with others. I wish I had know more about programs like this when I was young.
We will all pray for her while she is away. And we will pray for you also. I can only imagine how hard it will be to have her so far away.
This year is going to fly by faster than either of you realize.
Thanks Stacy… I appreciate your thoughtfulness.
Thotladyon 11 Aug 2008 at 9:54 am 4You must be very proud of her. Hold onto that while she is away.
You are lucky, with all the technology today, it will be easy to keep in touch. Cell phones, internet, email.
I will keep you and your family in my thoughts and prayers.
Oh I know… the ways to keep in touch are ever-present. Thank goodness!
Beccaon 11 Aug 2008 at 10:35 am 5You are an amazing mom. It will be a great year for her and for you. I bet you will learn things about both of you that you never knew. Hugs to you my friend.
Becca
Thanks Becca.
megon 11 Aug 2008 at 2:31 pm 6Wow~ what an adventure for Suki & a marvelous opportunity to grow. I know it will be tough for you, but really, a year goes FAST!
BTW- I heard from Jess this week (first time in 3 months) & things are looking…weird, but promising :-S
Weird is sorta normal, it seems… *promising* sounds good!
Tracieon 12 Aug 2008 at 9:38 am 7It seems her confidence has returned for such an awesome undertaking! Good for her! & good for you-it seems maybe you did do it right afterall! I can totally understand you maybe wanting to lock her away though. LOL
Marciaon 13 Aug 2008 at 11:16 am 8Best of luck to Suki — it sounds like a great experience. I’ll be following closely because I’d really like my daughter to consider Americorps after college. Right now she is thinking of applying to the Peace Corps but I also hope she’ll give Americorps a look.
Marcia
White Hot Magikon 15 Aug 2008 at 11:37 am 9OH wow! I only say that because mine is entering kindergarten and that seems like a big deal until I read this. Good job momma!