Lucky Dorito

In the eye of the storm

Posted by Dory @ Lucky Dorito on Wednesday, July 23rd, 2008

You know, it’s funny. Sometimes life is slow, tedious, boring and routine. The same ole’ same ole. Sometimes life comes at you fast, making you work hard to just keep your head above water. And then there are times when it is just CRAZY, like being caught in a perpetual storm…. things that you expect to be constants suddenly become flimsy and fleeting, as if able to be blown away in a blink.

I’ve spent most of the past few weeks in a constant state of turmoil inside. Much of the issues at hand involve others (coworkers) in my life, therefore causing it difficult to blog about - for fear that they happen along one day and read these words. I think, finally, that most of the parties involved know as much as I know at this point so, I find myself able to discuss it …. a little. Cryptically.

My husbands job is actually the reason we moved here 14 years ago. We’ve built our life here, had two daughters here, own a home here… and honestly, we love it here. This is our home now. Without going into detail (because his entire staff is being affected by what’s happening), suffice it to say that suddenly we find ourselves looking at a possible move. Possible… let me stress that. (The interview we had there last week is the reason I asked for prayer on a specific day, by the way.) A move to our hometown, or a close-by neighboring town. (A move there is something we’d never planned for or even considered until recently.) This both scares me and pleases me. My sister Lina is there, my parents are there, my MIL is there, lots of extended family … all good things. But, it’s also home to some of my most unpleasant memories as well. I hated it there when I lived there before… many of the reasons for that are still present in that town. It’s ok to visit… but I never intended to live there again. God may have other plans.

Swirling around in my thoughts are the hundreds of lives of patients that I have touched in the 10 years I’ve been at my office. I have seen generations of families; the grandparents, the parents and the children. I’ve learned about their lives and their families and I can easily think of them as *friends*, not just patients. I’m emotionally invested in them and their health. (Not all of them, mind you, but there are certainly those that I dearly love.) It’s hard for me, to think of walking away from them. I know, from the patients’ perspective - they’d miss me, they’d ask about me - but… they’d be fine with whomever replaces me. I know the relationships I’ve nurtured with them probably means more to me than it does to them. I realize that… and even though it saddens me a little - I know that’s the nature of my profession. I will miss them terribly though.

So all this flies around in my head, making me vacillate from being excited at the prospect of starting over to being so incredibly sad at the prospect of starting over. Most of his staff splitting up, as new jobs are located, selling our house (and oh heavens! what a lot of WORK will need to be done before that can happen!), my girls changing schools, finding another office that performs quality care above quantity… all of it swirls around in my head, as if caught on a strong rotating current. And then…. then I realize I am so stinkin selfish.

SELFISH.

There are people out there who’ve recently lost a loved one. There are women out there who bravely and unselfishly support their military husband as he is deployed into a hotbed of uncertainty. There are people out there who are losing their homes to foreclosure and losing their jobs to *downsizing* or *going in new directions*. People battling debilitating life-threatening illness. People caught up in addictions. People so lonely in this world that they think of ending it all. People trapped in loveless marriages with no idea how to make it better. People that live their lives with no hope. (What could be worse then having no hope?)

Who am I to complain?

It’s easy to pay lipservice to the whole thought of *turning it over to God* and *letting Him show us the way*… but gosh dog… it’s so hard to DO in actuality. I KNOW He will take care of us. I KNOW it. So why must I continue to worry and stress over something that is so out of my control? We are healthy, happily married and maybe even strengthened by this turmoil. We’ve spent countless hours talking about the changes that could happen… it’s been a wonderful opportunity to reconnect and focus on the *us*. That is the silver lining I mentioned the other day…

So today, right at THIS moment in time - I feel confident that all this will work out, according to His plan for our lives. My confidence may waver five minutes from now…. and when it does, I’ll get through it.

Filed in Hubby, Life, Me |

15 Dorito Bits to “In the eye of the storm”

Stacyon 23 Jul 2008 at 6:05 am 1

I am so glad you are able to share and get it out there for us to pray about.

I am not really good at finding verses when I need them, but here is one to pray on. I will be praying it for you.

Jer 29:11 - “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”

I am praying this for myself as well as I look for a new job. I want Him to show me where to go and what I am to do to honor Him.

I hope that this helps.

Stacy
Shannonon 23 Jul 2008 at 6:50 am 2

You are so right- you labsolutely will get through this- and when your confidence wavers, I’m praying for God to remind you how much He loves you and that He has it all under control. I KNOW that God has great plans for you and I know that you know that as well. But that doesn’t mean it isn’t scary and you shouldn’t be anxious and nervous and worried about all of the possible changes ahead. You’ve built your life there and thinking of leaving it is sad and it’s okay to feel that way. I love you and am praying heavily for you my friend!
Guinieon 23 Jul 2008 at 7:19 am 3

Wow! That’s big! Girl, I don’t envy you being in this position. I’ll keep praying. You’re right. When you start to worry and stress, and you find it hard to turn it over to God…then take some time to focus on what you have that’s tangible. You have a marriage full of love, you have two beautiful girls, you have friends who love you…sometimes focussing on our blessings helps us readjust our focus on God. Maybe because He gave them to us to begin with? ;o) I know you’ll make the best decision you can with Him helping you, but I’ll keep you in my prayers. Love ya!
Doryon 23 Jul 2008 at 9:34 am 4

Just to clarify…. we have actually have 3 beautiful daughters…. only two of them were born here. Suki was already with us when we moved here…
thotladyon 23 Jul 2008 at 9:48 am 5

I know what you are going through. I have moved many times in my 51 revoluntions around the sun. I have many thots about it, but too many to put in a comment. I will have to blog about it someday.

I will say this…moving to me is one of the most traumatic experiences I have experienced in my life. It can be good and bad. It all depends on the circumstances and all the little things revolving around those circumstance. I am sure you are aware.

I once counted the number of houses and towns and states I have lived in. 25 houses, 10 towns, and 5 states.

I hope all goes well for you and your family during this time of life decisions.

Remember…the only thing constant is change.

Love the favicon by the way!
Mitchowlon 23 Jul 2008 at 10:44 am 6

Everything will be okay. Fear of the unknown is probably the biggest fear there is. Take care. I’m off to my bathtub to work on my goals……….
Guinieon 23 Jul 2008 at 11:07 am 7

Oh, doy! I knew that! Having just recently seen the pictures of your two youngest from your TX trip had me miscombobulated. lol
BBBon 23 Jul 2008 at 11:36 am 8

Oh my! You DO have a lot going on in your life. No wonder you have been in turmoil. If anyone tells you it is easy to just “turn things over to God” and trust, they are flat out lying. It is difficult. By our very nature, we want to control our lives. God gave us the power to make choices. But many, many times the choices are difficult. It helps to know specifically what to pray for, for you and your family. I will pray that God will open the doors that are meant to open, and to close the doors and give PEACE about those closures that are meant to happen. If you are led back to a place that has so many bad memories, perhaps it is because He wants you to make new, happy memories with your beautiful family.

I wish I could give you a BIG hug, my friend. Thanks for sharing with us. Your blog friends love you and we are here for you!

BBB
Vonnieon 23 Jul 2008 at 12:02 pm 9

You know Dory it’s ok to feel what you do. Yes others have it worse but God wants us to bring all of our cares to Him. You have a right to feel what you do at this time in your life. And yes He will see you through it!! Wishing you life’s very best and God’s greatest blessings!
BEKon 23 Jul 2008 at 1:02 pm 10

Isn’t it weird to feel 3 or emotions all at once? I know what you mean about leaving a practice where you have connected with patients. I worked in an office for two years, but they were the first two years of the office being opened. I was the RN, the lab tech, the med assistant, the everything in the back except the doctor! I could tell you something special about every patient and could keep most everyone’s family tree within the office straight. It was hard leaving. A few months after I left I was back home and was taking a walk to the pottery place I visit; a person on a motorcycle turned around and stopped in front of me-it was one of the patients from the office! And he was wearing a helmet; something new for this guy! I was so pleased to see him all dressed up in his “seatbelt for a motorcycle gear.” He told me how much the other patients, and himself were sad that I left; but they were happy I was happy were I was.
You seem like a very strong person; with God by your side life will be interesting but always satisfying! Love, peace, grace, hope, and rest being sent your way via the cyber-prayer lines!
Doryon 23 Jul 2008 at 9:01 pm 11

I am humbled and comforted by your words of wisdom. Thank you all so much for taking the time to comment, for understanding my concerns over this, and mostly - for your prayers.
Jenon 23 Jul 2008 at 9:12 pm 12

I am so far behind in my blogwalking… I am ashamed for not commenting sooner!

I am sad the current situation has been troubling you. You are right about the many, many blessings in your life and how, no matter what, you and D and the girls will be fine. As long as you have each other, the rest will fall into place. “Be still” and let God help direct you. “Being still” is hard for me.

You’re always in my daily prayers.
Beccaon 23 Jul 2008 at 9:29 pm 13

Thinking of you. Wish that I knew what to say. Just here if you need me.

Hugs,
Becca
Chrison 24 Jul 2008 at 9:48 pm 14

You’re in my thoughts and prayers. Let me/us know if you need us to pray for anything more specific. Take care, friend!
White Hot Magikon 25 Jul 2008 at 10:08 pm 15

You are right it is much easier to say that than do it. I am back in my hometown and despite my fears really love it. Of course to a large degree home is where you make it, but have lots of family around is pretty nice.