Comments on: Low expectations

By: White Hot Magik

White Hot Magik — Fri, 19 Dec 2008 20:51:08 +0000

It does raise two interesting points. Had you treated him like you expected him to act bad, would he have? The second is as the parent do you warn people when you know your child isn’t behaving well? I walk this line a lot with my youngest. Do I say something, not say something? I am aware of how my fears of bad behavior on his part influence him to act bad sometimes. I try to err on not saying much, I don’t want to label him. It is hard to not try and deflect though. Okay I am going to stop now I was thinking of writing a post about a very similar topic. I’ll save it for later… ; )

By: Kelly

Kelly — Thu, 18 Dec 2008 05:35:47 +0000

Hmmm, my little emoticon was supposed to wink at you…not look at you like it’s confused…lol. Here, have this instead:

By: Kelly

Kelly — Thu, 18 Dec 2008 05:34:08 +0000

I’m happy that it was a positive experience for you, the foster mom and the boy. Kids in his situation can be very unpredictable (anyone who disagrees can come work in my place for a day) and I think his behavior with you showed the mom and the boy how he is capable of acting. You did good

By: Anndawg

Anndawg — Thu, 18 Dec 2008 02:44:43 +0000

Are you talking about my kid?

By: Rebekah

Rebekah — Thu, 18 Dec 2008 00:19:03 +0000

Ditto to Scarecrow and Shannon. My experience while Matt taught 7/8 English was one of observation. Matt was given all the “lower” kids (at this very moment I can’t remember the PC term-sorry). He never once taught “to their level” he taught them to the level he expected from them and they all gained confidence in his room and though I don’t believe state assessments say a lot on the whole I do have to brag that when his Remedial-ah there I remembered the PC term!- took state assessments they shined brighter than the sunshine!

I agree with Jen-it breaks my heart to see parents bringing kids in because they “just can’t care for them anymore.” The funny thing is they think we can fix it! WHAT?!?!?!?!?!

I think you did awesome Dory; being prepared is one thing being able to treat them they way you did while being prepared for an outburst is another. You do deserve a pat on the back, and so does the foster mom for having the wisdom to know her foster kiddo.

By: Shannon

Shannon — Wed, 17 Dec 2008 23:43:55 +0000

I can’t tell you how many times I’ve been warned about a student (by other teachers or parents), treated them as I do any other student in my classroom- and find them to be absolutely precious and wonderful in my classroom. I do think much of children’s behavior comes from the expectations we place on those students- they will live up or down to them. But I do think most kids tend to act better for others than they do even for their own parents (foster or otherwise)- especially someone new- because they have a new and fresh start with that person……….one with no history or baggage.

By: Dory

Dory — Wed, 17 Dec 2008 23:32:56 +0000

I don’t know if I explained myself very well in the original post. I wasn’t blaming the foster parent or trying to pat myself on the back for getting him to be good. I was merely making an observation about his behavior.

I have seen in my own kids how they often tend to be better behaved for strangers than at home – I think that’s a given with ALL kids. So, his good behavior could have been nothing more than that.

But… something about the whole situation has continued to nag at me. Maybe it was because, when the foster mom initially called the office in warning about his combative behavior – there was a little part of me that automatically thought, “Oh GREAT! If he’s going to be like that – I don’t want to see him,” but I kept my mouth shut. (thank goodness) I thought about it several times prior to his arrival and I’m ashamed to admit – I had sort of written him off before I ever even laid eyes on him that he would probably not be someone I would connect with.

I’m glad those were just thoughts in my head and that I had decided to adopt a *wait and see* attitude about him or else – I would have missed out.

I think I learned more than he did in this situation.

By: Jean

Jean — Wed, 17 Dec 2008 22:22:48 +0000

I totally, well almost…except that last line or two..hehe.. agree with Scarecrow. I think she warned you because he’s hard to predict. And, yes, kids tend to live up (or down) to what is said about them, and expected from them.. I’ve even blogged about that before… about the power of a parental blessing.. make sure what you are speaking over your children is what you want from them!
hugs,
Jean

By: SCARECROW

SCARECROW — Wed, 17 Dec 2008 20:13:54 +0000

We can’t blame the foster parent. What if the opposite happened where the parent didn’t warn you and the kid was a little turd? We would of complained as to why the forster parent didn’t warn you or what kind of parent they are. I give foster parents all the credit in the world, moreso than any other caregiver. They take on the issues of these kids w/o any iota of what they are getting themselves into. Not all, but most are truly selfless people that truly care about their charges. I’m sure that because of his histroy or her experiences with him, that she felt a warning was necessary.
Maybe pulling the tooth out was like Androcles & the lion, maybe the foster parent is having a positive influence on him, maybe he knew you were there to help, maybe you just caught him on a good day, or maybe it was your perfume and lowcut blouse.

By: Becca

Becca — Wed, 17 Dec 2008 19:36:54 +0000

I wonder if some foster parents just expect the foster children to be bad, when in fact it may not have been the children that are not bad? I think that they forget often that children are removed from situations because of the way the children are treated.

I am glad you had a good experience. Too bad she couldn’t be a fly on the proverbial wall. Sounds like she could use a little educating.