Moving forward
Posted by Dory @ Lucky Dorito on Wednesday, August 12th, 2009
We’ve had a dental student doing her internship with us the past several weeks. Dr M is a beautiful woman, with a fabulous personality and work ethic to go with her looks. I had the opportunity to provide a dental cleaning for her one day and we were taking the time to get to know each other a little better while she was in my dental chair.
I love meeting soon-to-be graduates that are entering the profession of dentistry for the right reasons - a desire to help others, and not lured by grandiose ideas of earning big bucks off their practice. (Big bucks are attainable, obviously. But that doesn’t necessarily make for good dentistry if your primary interest is in the bottom line and not the quality of work. Just my opinion, by the way.)
Anyway, while she was laying there, she asked me if I was happy with my decision to become a dental hygienist and was it what I had always wanted to do. As I looked at her big blue eyes, wide open and full of compassion, I answered with a completely unguarded and unplanned reply:
“You know, I started in dentistry when I was married to my first husband. I had been convinced that I had no value to the world, wasn’t good for anything…. so to find myself in a profession where patients liked me and appreciated me was a totally new thing for me.”
At this point, she said, “Oh honey….”
This encouraged me to go on and finish the thought, “I know it sounds ridiculous but it’s true. When you feel belittled long enough, it’s what you believe. Honestly, dentistry saved my life. It made me realize I DID have something to offer the world. One patient at a time.”
I’m sure in some ways, Dr. M was completely surprised by my answer – as much as I was that I had given it! On the other hand, maybe it just solidified the beginnings of a lifelong friendship.
A few of us took her out for a farewell dinner (and margaritas) on her last day. I took this funny picture of her with her dinner. She’s a goofball:
We’ll miss you Dr M!
*****
Now, here is where this post becomes even more serious. Just skip the rest if you don’t want to know THIS much about me. 
I’ve thought a lot about my answer to her since that day. Especially after reading this thought-provoking post. I realize he was more focused on leaders and their actions in light of insecurities, but…. it applies to all of us in different roles of our lives, doesn’t it?
Sadly, I realize that in my personal life, parts of me are still that weak and scared insecure girl:
I constantly fear rejection.
I worry people will find someone better than me and take their friendship or love away.
I don’t deserve the blessings I have received.
In my professional life, I don’t have these fears. I can meet a new patient and throw out my hand to shake theirs in greeting and never have a moment of hesitation. In stark contrast, I often get shy meeting new people at a party or something, hanging back behind my husband, allowing him to be my barrier until I warm up to the situation. Bizarre, huh?
I know this about myself and yet, it is so darn hard to overcome once and for all. I know that Satan has used this to rob me of friends and loves over the years….. when I have wrongfully closed a door and moved away from them (emotionally – not physically) in some crazy notion of *dumping them before they can dump me*.
I’m working on it.
I constantly pray for peace with myself – for who I am and what I stand for. This is ME, good bad or ugly. I don’t want to spend my life being insecure…. I want to have permanent comfort in my own skin.
How do you deal with insecurities?
Filed in Life, Me | 11 dorito bits so far
Beccaon 12 Aug 2009 at 10:49 am 1I have to say for me it was one giant step and a bunch of baby steps.
Giant step? Leaving the ex and driving across America…alone. Who in their right mind would do that, unless there was something life changing somewhere.
Baby steps, initiating the divorce and following through, not caving.
Moving on with my life. Marrying Mitch. Learning to finally accept that I am who I am, and if people are going to like me, they are just going to have to deal with the package that I am in. To me God didn’t make a mistake when he made me. Yes I am fat, so? Would that make me any less a worthy human? No. Any less lovable, or friend worthy? No. It just took me opening my blog and getting to know people like you and viola! Here I am!
We might not always agree on everything, but that is what makes people different and different is a good thing, right?
Hugs, and I hope that this make some sense!
BEKon 12 Aug 2009 at 5:32 pm 2You might think of it as God keeping you humble. Though God loves us and provides for us, He also wants us to remember He is the reason for our success and life. God loves you and wants you to feel whole in HIM…When you start feeling those crazy feelings of worthlessness–hold your arms out for a hug from HIM
I am huggin’ you right now!!! 
Tracieon 12 Aug 2009 at 7:33 pm 3I’m like you, shy in new situations and people. There’s always that fear of being judged – for saying something stupid, not wearing the right thing, whatever. I’m sure sometimes I come across as a b#tch, but i’m really just not comfortable. I avoid big social situations because i’ms scared, and I know I miss out on alot!
Jenon 12 Aug 2009 at 8:43 pm 4Avoidance is how I deal with insecurities… I wuss out.
I know what you mean about your confidence professionally – I feel that way too. I am very secure in my nursing skills.
In trying to think of a situation where I am the most insecure and uncomfortable, I would have to say that it is when I am with my office friends who drink alcohol at every social function. I am not much of a drinker and they always make me feel like a buzzkill when I don’t join in. (Kinda like high school peer pressure.) I just opt to not go with them to late lunches on Fridays or evenings out on Saturday nights. I am not a teetotaller or anything like that – I used to drink like a fish in my wild and wooly days… I just don’t LIKE it anymore. I’d much rather have a lemonade, an iced tea, or a strawberry milkshake.
Anyway, I wish I could go with them and feel comfortable NOT drinking.
Thanks for giving me a safe venue to express.
Excellent, thought-provoking post!
Katon 12 Aug 2009 at 9:12 pm 5Strangely I think there are more people like you than you realize. I am extremely forceful and full of confidence in my job and with me personal circle of friends (and blog buds) but put me in a room full of people to socialize, I become a wall flower. You’ve come along way baby and you’ll keep getting stronger!
giggleson 12 Aug 2009 at 11:16 pm 6Avoidance…thats it…even on here… I fear people will judge me so I dont say much of anything. What if it sounds stupid? Nobody will answer me back right? Why put yourself out there to get hurt?
Doryon 13 Aug 2009 at 8:27 am 7Great replies, everyone. Thanks.
@Giggles – Girl… you have nothing to fear here. Just about 2/3 of things I say sound stupid!
klynon 13 Aug 2009 at 10:21 am 8Gee, I see that woman in the mirror every day! I admire you for what you do and commend your integrity. Kudos for sharing such a heartfelt piece of you.
justanotherdayinparadiseon 13 Aug 2009 at 3:40 pm 9I think that’s why I blog. . .I just typed that without thinking, but by george, I think it might be true. Once it’s out there, I can’t change it, so why worry. In person, I’m a mess. . .It’s so hard to form and maintain close friendships–not just the acquaintence ones. . .
SCARECROWon 14 Aug 2009 at 9:10 am 10First….I love you. You came into my life at a difficult time and helped me immensely. I enjoy ‘chatting’ with you via any media. I only wish we were closer logistically so we could get together and meet each others families and so I could get some free dental work.
The second part…how do I deal with insecurities…I don’t know. I am still working on it but those ghosts are everywhere. If you ever saw Beautiful Mind, the story of math guru John Nash, I kinda liken myself to where he was, somewhere between being ruled by my ghosts and acknowledging & coexisting with them. They are part of me and will ultimately have a hand in the person I turn out to be.
That was a little too deep…I need some skittles.
Doryon 14 Aug 2009 at 10:29 am 11@ Scarecrow – I needed a kleenex for that comment…you made me tear up. Or maybe some of your skittles.