No words
Posted by Dory @ Lucky Dorito on Monday, December 1st, 2008
Of all the wonderful new memories created this Thanksgiving, one moment in time sticks out in my mind.
My Dad’s headstone was placed at his grave a few weeks ago. (Out of respect to my parents, I blocked out their names in the photo for posting). I hadn’t been back to the cemetery since the day after his service when we took more flowers and pictures. It was bittersweet to see the headstone, especially with my mom’s name next to his. I’m so glad we got to go …. I really needed to see it there, in place. It turned out beautiful. I love the quote my mom chose to place on the center.
“Gone from our homes but not from our hearts”
My niece and nephew each took a sea shell from the decorative edging on the koi pond my Dad built in their yard a few years ago. He loved watching the fish in that pond…. He had several shells and colored glass rocks and other odd assorted fossil rocks lining the edge to make it look nice. (Or maybe to just have some place to put the odd things he found!)
As I stood there, I had a flash of anger run through me. That he had to go so quickly, without any of us getting to say *goodbye*. I’m sure I’m not the only one that’s ever felt cheated… but that’s how I feel sometimes. It’s shallow and silly and serves no good purpose because I know it doesn’t change anything. It just feels so unfair. Even had I known he was going to pass away that day – I still probably wouldn’t have been prepared actually. I don’t think any one can truly be ready for letting someone go. I can’t begin to imagine how my mom must feel in the dark moments of night. She is strong and brave and I admire those traits so much in her…. and sometimes wish I had a little more of that in me.
Filed in Life, Me, On the road again, Randomness | 12 dorito bits so far
Stacyon 01 Dec 2008 at 6:15 am 1I am so glad that you got to go there. I pray that you find comfort and peace.
Shannonon 01 Dec 2008 at 7:42 am 2I think you are right- we are never, ever prepared, even when we know someone we love is going to die. And feeling angry and cheated is so normal my friend- I still feel it now- 6 and 1/2 years after my mother died. I hate that you are feeling this way and wish there was something I could do to keep you from having to walk this difficult and sad road. I’m proud of you for sharing your feelings- I know how hard that is- and I love you!
Jenon 01 Dec 2008 at 8:53 am 3I don’t have any good words. I am just sad that you are sad.
(((((Dory)))))
Guinieon 01 Dec 2008 at 8:53 am 4Wow. This post brought tears to my eyes. I remind myself everyday that I’m very blessed to have both of my parents here with us still. I don’t talk to them as much as I should, but I don’t take their time here for granted. And I always make sure to tell them I love them when I DO have a chance to talk to them.
BEKon 01 Dec 2008 at 10:54 am 5May you find peace with the family that is still around you and supporting you. ditto Jen. Cross your arms around you and squeeze-there that’s a hug from me to you.
Beccaon 01 Dec 2008 at 11:40 am 6Anger and sadness are a natural part of the grieving process. I know that it is hard that your father passed so quickly, but even in your grief you write of all the fun, even quirky things you dad did during his lifetime. You are doing what is right for you in the given moment. None of us will even judge you for your feelings.
Hugs and love you my friend,
Becca
Lindaon 01 Dec 2008 at 1:55 pm 7You’re right. You are never prepared. We knew my Dad was going to pass away that day. He waited until we all left the room and then he died. I still have flashes of regret that I wasn’t by his bedside. And guilt that I left the room. We were all out in the other room laughing about something. Can you imagine? What were we laughing about? I can’t remember. One part of me says that Dad knew that since we were able to laugh we were all going to be okay and that’s why he left then, the other part feels like we deserted him just when he was leaving us. You can’t ever have a perfect death, I guess.
megon 01 Dec 2008 at 2:27 pm 8(((hugs)))
BBBon 01 Dec 2008 at 5:08 pm 9You have been in my thoughts because I remember so well how I was feeling this time last year, with a loss so new at the holidays. No doubt about it, this is just a difficult time. Hold on to your loved ones through this season and remember the wonderful times you shared with your Daddy and you will make it through this. I send you a big, big hug sweet Dorie.
White Hot Magikon 01 Dec 2008 at 7:20 pm 10Hey Lady, I think what you are feeling is normal. Feelings don’t always make sense, it is when we let the balance get out of control that we have a problem. Once again I am sorry about the loss of your dad, hugs…
Nora
Jeanon 01 Dec 2008 at 8:14 pm 11I’m sorry you have to feel bad.. but, til we will all be together forever, it’s gonna be hard. Just remember you’ll see him again one day, and hold on to that. I’m so blessed, and I don’t take it for granted…
{{{{{BIG HUGS}}}}}
Jean
Thotladyon 02 Dec 2008 at 11:23 am 12I know how you are feeling.
I am traveling to Wisconsin after Christmas to see my family and I will visit my father’s grave. He is actually above ground, so I guess it’s a mausoleum.
Anyway, it is difficult for me to visit him. I try not to think of him in that way…and seeing his name with the dates…even after five years is very, very difficult for me.
I like to think he is still with me…I guess in his own way…he is.