Posted by Dory @ Lucky Dorito on Saturday, April 14th, 2012
I don’t know how He does it. There’s a LOT of bad stuff going on in the world and yet God still has time to answer my stupid prayers…. and with such a sense of humor too. He is ever so patient with me – when I ask for the same things over and over and over…. and only because I can’t remember His answer from the previous fifty times.
Sounds cryptic, huh? Let me explain.
Marriage is hard sometimes. I love my Mr. Lucky but I swear, sometimes I’d like to just jerk a knot in his tail. (And I’m quite sure the feeling is mutual at times.) But here’s the thing: he is consistent. He always responds to things in the same consistent manner, with patience and calmness. I, on the other hand, am usually wigging-out which makes his calmness infuriating!
Sometimes we get so darn busy in our lives outside the home, that we forget about each other a little. I mean, I know he’s here and I’m here – but we are not always nurturing each other emotionally or spiritually. I tend to be the one that gets bent out of shape when this happens because…. well…. because evidently I am needy.
There. I said it.
I like to be hugged and touched and reminded that I am the object of his love. Nothing brings me more peace than the simple act of cuddling close to each other in our sleep – which is something we both do unconsciously during the night (unless I’m having a hot flash – then heavens, don’t TOUCH ME!) I mean, I KNOW he loves me but sometimes I just want him to SHOW it a little! Take me out to dinner. Call me for no reason. Give me the undivided attention that the newspaper gets each evening. Do the dishes without having to be badgered into it. I mean, seriously – is there anything more attractive then a man doing the dishes WITHOUT being asked??
So a few days ago, I found myself praying, something like this:
Dear Lord, please help me to not kill him. I know and have thanked you many times for sending Mr. Lucky into my life when I thought there weren’t any good men left out there. I know I need patience and to be less angry and resentful of his work or the newspaper, both of which occupy much of his time. Lord I just ask that you help me to either be at peace with things the way they are between us or that you light a fire under his feet. So I don’t. Amen.
The next day, as I woke up, I swear I heard these words in my head:
My child, you are silly. Haven’t I told you over and over that no one responds to a prickly cactus? If you want to be shown love then you have to show love. If you want him to touch and hug you, then quit being grumpy with him. Step up to the plate and BE what you want in return.
I brooded over it all day. I am really good at being a prickly cactus, evidently. I alternated between thinking about running away (chickens’ way out) or just attacking him with hugs when he walked in the door. I did neither.
But at some point during the night, I found myself practically on his side of the bed, snuggled up nice and tight to him. Apparently my sleeping self was tired of being a cactus, even if my brain wasn’t. He noticed, asking if I’d gotten cold during the night. Yeah, that was it. Guilty as charged. Ha.
The next day, we ended up at dinner together. Alone, as the girls were at a game. Which practically never happens. Followed by a night of sleeping, during which he rolled to me and wrapped his arm around me in his sleep. I laid in the dark, smiled to myself – thinking that once again the Lord answered my prayers and gently reminded me (yet again) that I am as much responsible for the success or failure of our marriage as Mr. Lucky. I am so far from perfect that it’s not even funny…. and yet half the time, I can only see what he’s doing wrong. What is WRONG with me??? Why can’t I see how my own actions and behavior directly affect his actions and behavior?
I am so very thankful that the Lord reminds me I am accountable. And I am thankful that my Mr.Lucky is ever so patient and calm during all my crazy ups and downs. Even if half the time he is unaware of just how deep my inner struggle runs.