Lucky Dorito

I have been supremely fortunate in my life. I’ve reached the ripe old age of 40+ without ever experiencing grief of losing a loved one as close as a parent. My grandparents are all gone now – don’t get me wrong… I have lost family but we didn’t live near them so I wasn’t that close to them. I mourned their passing and missed them …. but not like this.

All my life, as I attended the visitation and the funeral services for a friends’ loved one or for a long-time patient or for members of my husbands’ family – I’ve always struggled with *what to say*. Because, we all know there are no words to provide comfort at a time like this. I’ve tripped over my tongue more times then I can remember as I try hard to formulate my condolences….always feeling like I fell short of the mark though.

As a matter of fact, one of the stupidest things I ever did was say to my former brother-in-law T the much regretted words, “Have fun” as I was leaving the visitation when his dad died. I was in high school and just didn’t think…. which we now know is a common problem of mine. Duh. I remember him saying, “Uh. Yeah, right,” and I immediately regretted that I even opened my mouth. I will never forget how callous that must have sounded to his ears… but it was just a sign of stupidity on my part. My mouth has always ran faster than my brain.

Over the past week, I’ve realized something. It’s not the actual words that others speak to you that make an impact….for the most part; I don’t even remember the words. Not to diminish their importance – just acknowledging that I fretted far too much over it, I know see. It’s the hugs that I remember. It’s the tears I saw others share as they witnessed our pain. It’s the selfless giving of food & drinks, flowers, cards, windchimes and the time they spent visiting with us that have impacted my memory. Just as all of your written comments have impacted me… those I can go back to read over and over. How wonderful and comforting it is to know that you guys are out there, praying for us.

And then….there are those friends that go above and beyond the call of duty. Like my precious friend Shannon. By now, most of you that know both of us, know that she dropped everything and flew to the closest airport to my parents home – then rented a car and drove the last 100 miles…just to offer her love and support. As she stepped out of the car and wrapped her arms around me, she said, “This entire trip was worth it JUST to do that!” I was swallowing hard to keep from falling apart, of course. That is just amazing to me! We became friends by what would seem to be random chance – although we’ve often discussed the fact that we feel the Lord brought us together, to fulfill the need we each had for a true friend in our lives. And, let me tell you… that is TRULY what she is to me. A true friend. She is an incredibly wonderful fabulous and remarkable friend whom I love dearly. Once again, I am convinced there was nothing RANDOM about our friendship.

My brothers’ friend R brought over his laptop and scanner and spent last Saturday scanning in about a gazillion pictures of my dad. We’d planned to create a PowerPoint show of pictures but later discovered none of us had enough knowledge of the program to make it DO what we wanted it to do….(play on a DVD player, which is what we knew the Funeral Home would have available for use) so in a moment of desperation on Sunday morning, I called Shannon at the hotel and asked her to help us. She came to my mom’s with her laptop and sat there at the kitchen table with all of us until we got it done. She used a program called PhotoStory, which is a free download from Windows… which I didn’t have (but you bet I do now!) and then set the slide show to music. It turned out to be a little over 10 minutes long and is absolutely wonderful.

And…. as if her very presence wasn’t comforting enough: She brought me a gift!

Perfect for every Hot Tamales lover!

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