Lucky Dorito

We made it home from camping Sunday evening. Overall, we had a good time and as soon as I’ve recovered I’ll post about the trip and share some pics. In the meantime, I wanted to share some thoughts on another subject. One that might be kind of yucky… but part of life, nonetheless.

If you know me at all, you know that I am the proud mama of three beautiful girls, two precious dogs, one mild-mannered cat and a plethora of fish. (The fish started out as just two, but as luck would have it – they are male and female. Prolific male and female, if you get my meaning.)

Of course, as my children grew up, we passed out of the diaper stage, into the potty trained accident-free days. What a sweet relief those days were after the literal YEARS of being a diaper-changing potty-training mom!

Now, I love my dogs. Honestly, I do. And there isn’t much I wouldn’t do for them. I say that because it is the ONLY reason why I don’t mind the less glamorous side of dog ownership – poop patrolling the yard. I don’t love it (ewwww – I am NOT that weird) but I tolerate it.

I’m sure any city-dwelling apartment-living dog owner that routinely picks up their dogs’ fresh pile of excrement can relate. Not living in the city, I probably don’t have to patrol our own yard but for the sake of kids’ shoes, my husbands’ delicate nose and the lawnmower wheels, I do it.

I’ve made several observations over the years regarding the appropriate “timing” of proper poop patrol that I thought you might find interesting, in a twisted humorous sort of way.

1. Before beginning, be sure to don the appropriate essential poop patrolling gear, to include: a walmart bag for carrying, a walmart bag to be twisted and wrapped like a big giant mitt to keep hand from actually touching any of the offending matter to be picked up and boots that can be easily hosed off when you accidentally step in a pile before you see it.
2. Fresh poop is the worst – it is icky and gooey and stinks to high-heaven, often covered with flies that zip away as you reach towards it and fly directly over the fence to your neighbors’ barbeque party to then land on food as quick as it can. (Shh. Don’t tell them.) But it is also the prime magnet for shoes to find so it is quite imperative to not leave it.
3. Poop piles that are 2 to 3 days old are much better to pick up – by this time all the poop-eating beetles have sucked all the vital nutrients out of it and it is dry and hollow to the touch and almost smell-free. Almost, I said.
4. Poop piles that have been overlooked for days on end will be nearly white in appearance and absolutely smell free. They will practically crumble to the touch, making this the best to pick up – but the least seldom found in my yard.
5. In winter time, frozen poop is also quite easy to find and bag. The poop-eating beetles apparently hibernate in the winter though. Just in case you were wondering.
6. Rainy day poop is a mess. Avoid it at all costs.
7. Let’s not even talk about the *after-the-dogs-dug-into-the-trash-poop*. Just use your imagination on what happens in those cases that their delicate tummies are over-indulged with foods not within the normal diet. You know what happens to you, right? Uh huh. ‘Nuff said.
8. After poop patrol is complete, double and/or triple bag your treasures to minimize smells and dispose of accordingly.

Now, for those of you that question the rotting poop in a walmart bag at the landfill – any suggestions for alternatives would be welcomed.

I suppose I could always follow my Dad’s lead and use a powerful garden hose to wet down and disintegrate the poop piles, thus eliminating the need for routine poop patrol while at the same time, creating mammoth earthworms as opposed to my scrawny ones. I’ll have to think about that.

So, there you have it. Poop patrol in a nutshell.

Trackback URI | Comments RSS