Sexisms Suck
Posted by Dory @ Lucky Dorito on Friday, July 17th, 2009
Have you ever heard someone near and dear to you say something that takes you by complete surprise because it’s totally out of character for that person?
In a recent discussion with Mr. Lucky, he was complaining about being asked to cover two days a week at some of the other company clinics while they are short-staffed. Don’t misunderstand, he doesn’t mind covering, but it requires him to spend nearly 3 hours in the car after driving back and forth PLUS the eight hour work day. Meanwhile, as the only therapist in his full-time clinic, that means no patients are being seen on the days he is gone – which also means that the days he is here – he’s totally swamped, trying to cram 5 days of patients into 3. Not to mention all the administrative work he has to do. And the fact that he is still in school, just two classes away from completing his doctorate degree.
Add to all that, being a very attentive husband and father – which is a full time job all on its own.
So to hear him say in a moment of frustration that he thinks his company should just start hiring more men instead of women made my mouth hang open.
Oh no, he didn’t.
I thought I immediately knew what he meant.
But I hoped I was wrong.
I wasn’t.
He said, when questioned, that if the company would hire less women, there wouldn’t be so many maternity leaves and hysterectomy recovery periods that left them short-staffed.
As a woman that has had to take time off in order to have a child and years later, to have a hysterectomy, I can’t begin to tell you how much his comment pissed me off.
I know that his remark wasn’t intended for me and it truly was said in a moment of frustration…. but – it was thoughtless and hurtful. What do you think?
Am I overreacting? How would you feel if you’d heard it?
Filed in Hubby, Life, Me | 9 dorito bits so far
The Gaelic Wifeon 17 Jul 2009 at 6:35 am 1I’d remind him that any employer who said or acted on that comment could be sued for discrimination under the Equal Opportunity Act. I’d be incredulous at the comment and wonder if there is underlying blatant sexist behaviour. Is this just a blip or has he acted on it in subtle ways such as only giving your children “gender appropriate” toys?
Shannonon 17 Jul 2009 at 6:59 am 2Knowing Mr. Lucky as the truly wonderful man that he is, I would think that this comment was something said in a moment of exhaustion and irritation and not one he truly thought through. I agree it was insensitive and unkind but don’t think that it was a truly sexist comment. We have all said things that we truly didn’t mean simply because we were tired and aggrevated- without thinking how they sound to those around us. So I say chalk it up to him being worn out, tell him it hurt your feelings, forgive him, and let it go.
Susanon 17 Jul 2009 at 7:03 am 3I would be upset too but I’m sure it wasn’t directed at you or anyone in particular. And if more men would get vasectomies instead of leaving it up to us women to be responsible for the child birthing, the tube tying, etc. then more men would be taking time off too!
Doryon 17 Jul 2009 at 8:15 am 4@All – Believe me when I say, my husband is an extremely kind and sensitive man – he is NOT someone that has ever exhibited signs of sexual discrimination… which is why it shocked me so.
I feel sure that Shannon is right – he spoke from exhaustion and irritation and didn’t think it through.
And I reacted from a purely emotional perspective.
I feel better having written it out, seeing it in black and white helped me to see it more clearly. And now I feel bad that I even posted it. I’m not a “husband basher”, normally. I love that man more than I can ever explain…..
Katon 17 Jul 2009 at 8:50 am 5No matter how wonderful or sensitive a man is, or how much we love them, they all exhibit signs of sexism occassionally, it’s in their genes! Trust me if I got mad at my husband everytime he said something stupid and sexist, I’d be mad at him all the time. Wait, I am mad at him all of the time… Just Kidding!
BEKon 17 Jul 2009 at 10:33 am 6He’s a guy and guys are not wired completely like women. Sometimes things come out of their mouths that just went past the filter without being filtered. I am a woman and this happens to me too! I hate to admit it; but I have felt the same way before (though it never came out of my mouth-it stayed filtered) because I have been in a similar situation, but I know when I get to be a mom that the women around me (who are moms) will understand. Men don’t fully understand how much women sacrifice their time, bodies, and emotions to have children- they just don’t; even the most sincere, sensitive, wonderful men! They may have an idea; but they don’t experience it- so in a time of frustration and being separated from his family; I can see how “one slipped by the goalie.” But I would talk to him and let him know what he said struck a nerve…but be the on talking in love and concern
Jenon 17 Jul 2009 at 10:52 am 7Always the devil’s advocate….
I much prefer working with men over women, but not for the same reasons Mr. Lucky mentions. I am surrounded by women at (all of) my job(s.)
I wouldn’t go so far as to think that men work any harder or better, but there is sure a lot less drama!
Mr. Lucky is a good man and I am sure he would have never wanted to hurt your feelings or say something unkind intentionally. Like everyone else, I am sure it was just irritation at the situation – not women in general and especially not YOU!
Beccaon 17 Jul 2009 at 12:22 pm 8I am sure that he didn’t mean it, but the fact is he did say it. No way around it. Everyone has issues from time to time, including men. Maybe they need to look at hiring more per diem therapists if this is a persistant problem.
Anndawgon 17 Jul 2009 at 9:23 pm 9I honestly don’t thnk men know what us women have to go through! The only thing they may have to go through every now and then is a severe case of “Blue Balls” LOL