Lucky Dorito

things left unsaid

Posted by Dory @ Lucky Dorito on Tuesday, July 29th, 2008

Many, many months ago, I ran across this post at Bleeding Espresso. (Go check it out and then come back here) Her post so moved me, the thought of saying those things that fill my head from time to time but that I have never been able to say is heady powerful business. I tucked the idea away in a *to do later* file in my little over-taxed brain and just stumbled across it again over the weekend. After some of the recent lessons in my life, it seemed like a prudent time to do this exercise for myself.

I am the classic avoider and non-confrontational person, often to the point of hurting myself by this inability to face things. It’s something I’m working on…. in an effort to handle things better even if it KILLS me. Which it won’t, I know, but…. gosh, it sure feels like it might sometimes. Knowing this, you must realize that even though I struggle to verbalize the words, I still think the thoughts. I can effectively formalize an exact monologue of what I want to say… sometimes even with the anticipation of what the other person would say in response, so that I can come up with the counter response. But…. that is as far as I get. I think it out but…. I don’t deliver on it.

Here is my list of 15 things I have wanted to say… but wouldn’t or …. couldn’t. (And, they are NOT all to the same person either!)

1. I wish there was some way I could make you see the *hurt* you caused all of us.

2. This is a terrible thing to say, but, someday… I hope you get put in your place.

3. There are times that I wish I could turn back the clock and relive those days.

4. I hate knowing that YOU, meaning the person you show the world, is really NOT the person you are in private.

5. It makes me sad when I think of how much of my life I let be sucked up by you.

6. I may never understand how you could let ME go, instead of her.

7. I wish you could stand up and be responsible for your actions.

8. I can’t imagine living my life being bitter and shallow and *fake*… I am so glad I am not you.

9. Don’t let that petty childish attitude of theirs rob you of your happiness. You’re better than that.

10. I still think of you and I secretly hope that you think of me also.

11. I am very disappointed in your actions but I’ll always love you regardless.

12. Over, done-with, gone. Let it go.

13. I am quite sure I’ll carry thoughts of you to the grave, held closely to my heart.

14. I have so many things to tell you but I worry that you will never speak to me again if I do.

15. I would love to spend more time with you but it hurts me to see you act this way.

What haven’t you said?

Filed in Life,Me | 14 dorito bits so far

14 Dorito Bits to “things left unsaid”

Guinieon 29 Jul 2008 at 7:22 am 1

Wow! Oh the things I haven’t said, but wanted to! Girl, I think you opened up a can of worms! lol

Worms? Ick… quick! Someone CLOSE it!
thotladyon 29 Jul 2008 at 8:42 am 2

I love seeing your name in my comments.

There, thats 1!

You are far too kind, my friend. But…. just so’s ya know… the feeling is mutual!
michelle of bleeding espressoon 29 Jul 2008 at 9:21 am 3

Fabulous Dory! Do you feel freer? I know I did when I wrote mine….

Absolutely!
Stacyon 29 Jul 2008 at 10:07 am 4

I am so glad that you were able to get these words out. Perhaps it will help you move forward.

As I read each one I tried to think of who you might be talking to and who I might say those words to.

Thank you for sharing such an incredible post.

You’re welcome. Thanks for your kind words.
Beccaon 29 Jul 2008 at 10:58 am 5

There is so much emotion in each one of those statements. My question to you is this. Would it be better for you to really have the courage to say those things, or to leave them at the altar of God and truly let them go? Does a merciful God want you to dwell all your life on past hurts, or perceived hurts. I may not be making my point the way that I want to, but dwelling on those things that make up the material of our lives is not all that we are, they are but little threads. The bigger thread that holds your life together is your thread to God, who is all forgiving and healing. Does that make sense?

Hugs,
Becca

Hmmm. Interesting point, Becca…. I’ll have to mull this over a day or two to formulate a response.
megon 29 Jul 2008 at 12:49 pm 6

So many of those could be (& have been) my own statements; I can feel the hurt behind them & pray peace for you, dearest girl.

Thanks Meg … you’re too sweet!
BEKon 29 Jul 2008 at 2:42 pm 7

I agree with thotlady; I love seeing your name in my comments. You raise an interesting thought. Sounds like a lot of hurt! Hope this exercise has inspired you and is brining healing.

I pray that you are able to leaves these at the foot of God’s throne and live refreshed! Many hugs!

Aww…. now that just makes me smile! That ANYone would be happy to see MY comments! I guess I should tell ya, the feelings mutual!
Jenon 29 Jul 2008 at 3:05 pm 8

I could have said the very same things to certain people in my life if I had enough courage at the time. Maybe it is good, sometimes, that we avoid confrontation.
Loved this post.

Thanks. I did too.
Tracieon 29 Jul 2008 at 9:07 pm 9

I have all kinds of conversations with other people in my head! Things I would like to say, but can I come up with one right now…no, brain shutdown. I’m going to be thinking about this one though. Thanks!

You’re welcome! Good luck!
Jeanon 29 Jul 2008 at 11:11 pm 10

I always love comments from you, too.. they’re usually fun, and always thoughtful! This post seriously could have been written by me.. It’s something the Lord is working on with me, too.. I may need to make a list, although I do agree with Becca.. It may only be important that I make it.. not that I actually send it or say it to them.. I’m trying harder to change the dynamic in my relationships now.. they’re the ones that are important to me at this point. And they’re the ones that could actually benefit from my learning. And it seems to be helping some!! I don’t have the desire to be “snarky”, because I get my point out in a good way! It’s actually teaching me a lot! Not as much as it will, of course I still have a long ways to go. Be blessed as you walk yours out, too.
hugs,
Jean

Oh Jean, how sweet… my comments may be fun and thoughtful but here lately, they’ve been one thing only – MISSING! I haven’t been able to visit like I want to but life is going to slow down here soon. I hope.
Shannonon 30 Jul 2008 at 6:42 am 11

Of course- since I join you in wearing the Ms. Non-Confrontational crown there are many, many, many things that I have left unsaid in my life. There are actually many times in my life that I actually have written down those things- usually in a letter to someone who have hurt me- and then after praying about them, throw them away. It is so freeing to give them totally and completely to God, yet it’s so hard to do sometimes. Letting go of them- for good, is such a challenge for me. And once I let go of them, not snatching them back is HARD! Thank you for writing this sweet friend and sharing a piece of your heart with us. Love you!
White Hot Magikon 30 Jul 2008 at 11:23 am 12

I wouldn’t say I never confront, but over the years have a better understanding of when to do it. (I hope) Some things no matter how true just will cause a lot of drama, and not necessarily help. So now I try to pray about those things, or maybe I am coping out. I have thought a bunch of those things myself…
Karinaon 31 Jul 2008 at 8:06 pm 13

I did this a while back myself…it’s pretty cathartic, isn’t it?

Absolutely. Thanks for stopping by!
SCARECROWon 04 Aug 2008 at 6:01 am 14

Confrontation with other people doesn’t bother me as much as confrontation with myself.
S