Three years later

Posted by on Monday, September 19th, 2011

My dad left us three years ago, in the blink of an eye. No illness, no accident, no warning whatsoever -

a massive heart attack that took him in an instant.

I think of him almost daily now  Рprobably more often than I did when he was alive, if the truth be told.

That sounds harsh, but it is true. Often wrapped up in my own life: raising my kids, working full time, trying to stay above the ever-threatening-to-collapse  mountain of laundry, and just living my life Рsome days would pass without a thought to my dad.

Funny how that has changed now.

*****

A few months ago I watched a movie titled “Rabbit Hole” with Nicole Kidman and Aaron Eckhart. It was a sad movie about a couple dealing with the death of their young son. There was a scene in which Nicole Kidman’s character (Becca) discusses death with her mother (played by the fabulous Dianne Wiest), who had also lost a son many years before. It went like this:

Becca: Does it ever go away?
Nat: No, I don’t think it does. Not for me, it hasn’t – it has gone on for eleven years. But it changes though.
Becca: How?
Nat: I don’t know… the weight of it, I guess. At some point, it becomes bearable. It turns into something that you can crawl out from under and… carry around like a brick in your pocket. And you… you even forget it, for a while. But then you reach in for whatever reason and – there it is. Oh right, that. Which could be awful – not all the time. It’s kinda…
[deep breath]
Nat: not that you like it exactly, but it’s what you’ve got instead of your son. So, you carry it around. And uh… it doesn’t go away. Which is…
Becca: Which is what?
Nat: Fine, actually.

*****

I’ve thought of that conversation from the movie many times since then. There is a part of it that rings very true to me…. I can almost put it out of my mind, like a brick in my pocket – and then I reach in for something and find it.

It makes me sad for all the things left unsaid.

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5 Dorito Bits to “Three years later”

  1. Stacyon 19 Sep 2011 at 5:49 am 1

    I completely understand. I lost my dad when I was 18 and there are still times when I miss him terribly. I love this analogy. I have several ‘bricks’ in my pocket and this is a great way of stating it.

  2. Beccaon 20 Sep 2011 at 12:08 pm 2

    Gentle hugs. I know what you mean about coming back across the brick. My heart aches for you. God Bless..

  3. Vonnieon 20 Sep 2011 at 1:32 pm 3

    Thinking of you Dory. It is so hard to lose a parent. I can’t believe it’s been 3 yrs for you. I remember reading about his passing and it does not seem that long ago.

    Thank you for sharing the movie lines….I think so too. God’s blessings to you and your family.

  4. Jenon 20 Sep 2011 at 3:01 pm 4

    Like you mentioned, life is busy and we all get caught up in our own activities. My folks are elderly and only live an hour away. I visit them once a month, at best. I know I should do better. I see my friends who’ve lost their parents… who’d give their right arms to talk to their mom or dad one more time. Mine are still living and I don’t put forth the effort I should. :(

    I’ll call my dad today – just to say hello and tell him I love him.

    Thanks, Dory, for the reminder.

  5. thotladyon 30 Sep 2011 at 7:38 am 5

    My father was the dearest man I know. He gave everything he had to his family.

    He is what I aspire to be everyday…a decent, caring, honest, person.

    I miss him so much.

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