Posted by Dory @ Lucky Dorito on Monday, September 19th, 2011
My dad left us three years ago, in the blink of an eye. No illness, no accident, no warning whatsoever -
a massive heart attack that took him in an instant.
I think of him almost daily now – probably more often than I did when he was alive, if the truth be told.
That sounds harsh, but it is true. Often wrapped up in my own life: raising my kids, working full time, trying to stay above the ever-threatening-to-collapse mountain of laundry, and just living my life – some days would pass without a thought to my dad.
Funny how that has changed now.
A few months ago I watched a movie titled “Rabbit Hole” with Nicole Kidman and Aaron Eckhart. It was a sad movie about a couple dealing with the death of their young son. There was a scene in which Nicole Kidman’s character (Becca) discusses death with her mother (played by the fabulous Dianne Wiest), who had also lost a son many years before. It went like this:
Becca: Does it ever go away?
Nat: No, I don’t think it does. Not for me, it hasn’t – it has gone on for eleven years. But it changes though.
Nat: I don’t know… the weight of it, I guess. At some point, it becomes bearable. It turns into something that you can crawl out from under and… carry around like a brick in your pocket. And you… you even forget it, for a while. But then you reach in for whatever reason and – there it is. Oh right, that. Which could be awful – not all the time. It’s kinda…
Nat: not that you like it exactly, but it’s what you’ve got instead of your son. So, you carry it around. And uh… it doesn’t go away. Which is…
Becca: Which is what?
Nat: Fine, actually.
I’ve thought of that conversation from the movie many times since then. There is a part of it that rings very true to me…. I can almost put it out of my mind, like a brick in my pocket – and then I reach in for something and find it.
It makes me sad for all the things left unsaid.